How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
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