i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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