To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
