barbara walters just said penis...
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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