I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
