i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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