Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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