Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Randomize
