I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
