I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
