Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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