i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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