Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize