My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
