So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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