all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
