I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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