The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I am spending my child support on dildos
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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