It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
