Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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