JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
pray to the hookup gods
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
