He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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