how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
