I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
