I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
It was like giving head to a cactus.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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