his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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