I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Randomize
