she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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