Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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