If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
His hands were made for my vagina.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
