i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
