It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
