Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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