im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
