Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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