I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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