until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
