yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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