Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
