My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
