Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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