he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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