better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
