you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
You have to summon your inner elephant
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
