Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
