i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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