Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
