mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
