So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
