I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
