I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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