I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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