I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
