dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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